Elizabeth PW, Live Your Truth
Elizabeth PW, a faculty member of the 2010 Social Media Telesummit, recently wrote 2 blog posts that got me thinking. Actually, her blog makes me think all the time. However, there were 2 things that she wrote recently that is prompting this blog post:
- As a woman, I need to tap into my feminine energy.
- That authenticity and transparency is great, but being vulnerable is way better.
Leesa Barnes: The Tomboy Turned Tough Gal
Growing up, I was a tomboy.
I found more interest playing soccer in the field with the boys than skipping in the playground with the girls.
What the girls did was so very boring. Talking about hair, makeup and which boy was the cutest.
Whatever.
What the boys did was fun. They played sports, they talked about cars and they could have a fist fight one minute then go out and pick each other to play on the same team the next.
From elementary school to university, my only focus was basketball. Anything “girlie” I stayed away from. I paid no attention to my hair, my nails or what I wore. I still attracted guys as a tomboy, so in my eyes, there was no need to change.
Leesa Barnes: The Tough Gal Turned Alpha Female
The last serious relationship I was in ended when I was 30-years old. He was a great guy, but after dating for 5-years, the relationship ran its course.
Plus, I started going back to church and he was so not interested.
Because my God was more important, I ended the relationship. Interesting, huh? I gave up an earthly man after falling in love with a Heavenly One.
Heh.
The one thing my ex told me was a huge problem in our relationship was that I was a poor communicator and I never leaned on him for help.
Boy, I sound like I was the dude in the relationshp, huh?
Yup, that was the tomboy in me. “I can do it all by myself.” So, like a dude, I shrugged off his complaint, calling him bitter and went on with my so-called life.
How Dating Showed Me that Being an Alpha Female Sucked
The last 5-years has been interesting (it’ll be 6-years as of January 12th). I’ve dated different men. Both men within my faith and those not in it.
There was this one guy, a chef, who was quite a character. He was from Quebec and wooed me with his French (I just
love a man who can speak French and can cook – great combination). He was a dreamer and spoke of all the wonderful things we would do together.
So, what was the problem? He wanted to date, move in and have babies all in the same week that we met.
Can I hear creepy?
Then, there was the married man from my church. He wanted a website done for his business. So, we met at one of my favourite restaurants and when he arrived, he told me how beautiful I looked.
Okay…
Then, after he ordered his meal (I started eating without him because he was late), instead of asking me what type of programming language do I use to power my websites, he asked:
“Where’s the craziest place you’ve ever had sex?”
I almost choked on my green tea. Or jasmine rice. Well, I don’t remember the substance, but I do remember being utterly surprised by his query.
Instead of answering the most ridiculous question he has ever asked in his natural life, I asked him about his marriage. He shared that things weren’t going well and that he’s totally attracted to me and he’d love to do stuff with me…
Let’s just say that like Joseph in the Bible, I had to flee that conversation. Literally. Left my Pad Thai Chicken behind (that’s when I was still eating meat).
That incident made me restructure my business in one day so that I no longer met with people in person to talk about “websites.” And I avoided that dude like a locust plague at my church until he apologized. And even then, I still avoid him.
It also made me wonder why was I attracting these deadbeats.
Why I (Finally) Attracted the Greatest Man Ever
Studying the Bible has revealed many different things in many different ways. I knew that the answer to my problem would be in the good book.
So, I started looking at the various women in the Bible, those who left a legacy. Women like Queen Esther, Rebekah, Sarah, Hannah, Abigail, the prophet Deborah and other women who seemed so strong, but had such amazing relationships with the men in their lives.
And then it hit me – at various points in their lives, these Biblical women showed love, respect, but most of all, vulnerability.
I finally realized that to be vulnerable isn’t really a bad thing. So, I started practicing:
- When a man opened a door for me, instead of stepping aside and motioning for him to go through first, I proudly walked through and thanked him for being so considerate (the men in Dallas do this even in elevators – love it)
- When a man paid for dinner on a date, I no longer fought him so I could pay my share. I let it go.
- I started to praise the men in my life who did things for me. Even if they didn’t do it the way I liked, instead of criticizing, I thanked them for their generosity and thoughtfulness.
- And I started to lean on the men in my life to help me with the more “manly” things.
I finally saw that tapping into my feminine power didn’t leave me powerless. That I could give up the Alpha Female and still be an amazing, smart business woman.
And in that 2-year period I was becoming more in tune with my feminine energy, it was coming through in all areas of my life. My business was better, my appearance was improving, my relationships with clients and family members were better. One of my best guy friends who’s known me for close to 20-years said that I was becoming more likable.
And then he showed up.
I’ve known him for 2-years. I was introduced to him back in 2008. He was tall (still is), cute (still is) and he had a girlfriend (well, he got rid of that problem). He did websites. I no longer did after my encounter with the married man. So, I started to refer business his way. We would talk occassionally about personal stuff. But most of our conversations were focused on business.
But 2-weeks after attending Shine and sharing my own vulnerabilities, something changed between he and I. And it’s been an amazing ride since then. For the first time in almost 6-years, I have a man worthy enough to introduce to my family. And I so can’t wait until they meet him.
Why Social Media Is a Three Pronged Approach to Profitability
Authenticity and transparency are those buzz words you keep hearing when people talk about social media. But what’s missing is vulnerability. Elizabeth PW defines vulnerability this way:
“Share the whole story about something. The bad side of what didn’t work out. The truth of the project that failed. How your business is great but your personal life has gone to heck. What’s not working in your business. And of course, share how you are turning it around, the lessons you have learned, what you are changing for next time.”
I know that each speaker at the 2010 Social Media Telesummit will be sharing their own vulnerabilities. The things that didn’t work. Why they failed. And the lessons learned from that experience.
(BTW, I’m providing sneak peeks through my preview call series. You can sign up for them on the front page.)
And yes, being vulnerable is scary. I mean, I just shared my dating history to compare that experience to how we use social media. This leaves me open. It leaves me exposed.
Egad! Someone could injure me.
But I’ve learned that being vulnerable doesn’t mean people will harm me. Quite the opposite. Being vulnerable creates professional and emotional intimacy between me, you and those who want to belong to my tribe. And that’s why being vulnerable in social media is such a good thing.
It’s no longer enough to be authentic. It’s no longer enough to be transparent. One also needs to be vulnerable in order to attract their ideal client using social media.
Your market demands this.
Now, excuse me. The greatest man ever is calling.
